A Description of myself

Im going to list descriptions of what others say or think about me and then ill go ahead and say what i think about myself..... hmmmmm...im in a pensive mode now..

I have heard people say: Im peaceful, thoughtful, amazing, the coolest person they know, a good listener, laied back, quiet, fun, understanding, compassionate, that i would do anything to make someone happy, that i care too much, i give too much, i am too good, im weird, im funny, i have a big heart, i have great taste in music, my eyes are beautiful, i have perfect teeth, i have a nice smile, i have weird facial expressions, im smart, i mumble, i talk slow, i am unique, i have cool tats, i am short.. LOL ok ok i ran out of things to say..lol.. but yea...........

ok so what do i think about myself???

sometimes i feel really weird around people...ok alot time i feel that. i feel like im so abnormal that sometimes i have anxiety.. yea i used to be on medicine for this but its not soooo bad. i just get nervous and jittery at times..i feel weird because i feel like im so different... i feel different because of the things in my life.. new town, new friends, new family, new weather new everyting.. i feel different because i listen to music that alot of people has never heard of before.. i love things that most people dont care about or dont take the time to learn. I feel different cause i find beauty in weird abstact findings.. like buildings.... i feel weird cause i like going to asian grocery stores to just look around. i feel weird cause i love libaries... and bookstores... and love going to animal shelters to pet animals.. i feel weird cause i dont like to touch people much.. and i dont like to be touched much.. i feel weird cause when im standing next to someone in my mind im thinkin about that invisible box around me and how maybe someone is invading it and how i can scoot over..lol.. i feel weird cause i sometimes i forget i have tattoos all over my body.. i feel weird cause i dont really like to dance... i feel weird cause when im listening to music im listening to drums... not bass.. thats kinda why i dont like hip hop music.. i feel weird cause sometimes i feel like i have to act giddy when i really dont want to.. i feel weird cause im not scared of bugs or spiders or snakes... but i am scared of them if they are dead or anything thats dead and rotting... make any sense??....i feel weird cause im so laied back... cause im ok with just sitting and watching people.. im ok with solitude.. I think im weird cause i lack the things i should be doing at my age when im probably alot smarter than most about life issues....i feel different when im around people who speak spanish when inside im angry at my mom for giving me up as a kid to white adopted parents who never taught me spanish...and growing up in areas that were not spanish speaking..and not having any clue really about the hispanic culture..i feel weird when people assume i speak spanish....maybe kinda like i sometimes assume they speak english...

i feel different because i feel like i need people to understand all of this about me.... and most of you who are my friends know some of these about me....... some more than others but yea..... but all these differences have mad eme who i am..... and im very comfortable with meeting new people and i know that most people like me for who i am and stuff... but inside im always thinking about my differences.. and how some things i have are gifts i can offer others.. and how i meet people and their gifts are passed down to myself.. i think about life as a catch-22.. and how inevitable things are.... and yea..... i feel weird most of the time.. and i know everyone has their quirks...but i think if u are my friend or girlfriend its important for you to know these things about me in order to try to understand me as a person and why i do the things i do... lol... so if ur standing too close to me and i scoot over then u know why im scooting over!!! lol or if im in a car with you and i see a dead armadillo on the side of the road and im freakin out.... you will know why...LOL... haha....

hey being weird isnt that bad huh??...lol

the end of my thoughts.....

oh yea p.s..

so i have this kind of obsession with going to www.postsecret.com on sundays to read people's confessions..... if u have never been to that website i URGE you to check it out.. i have a few examples in my photos.. but yea... every sunday they have a new slew of selections.. but i also have a obsession with going to www.mydeadspace.com to read about people who have died who have myspace pages.... and u can see their myspace and kinda peek into their lives.. and see the comments their friends have left.. or read blogs with people talking about suicide or things we dont like to talk about... and seeing some people leaving traces of help before they died... kinda morbid i know.. but sometimes i think about if i got into a car wreck and how most people wouldnt know i have died cause no one knows my password on here... to tell anyone i died... and how my myspace would be gone..... yeeeeeeeeeesssssssssss did i mention i am weird yet??? LOL
ok ok ok ok im not that obsessive shooot...lol.. im just typing whatever is on the tip of my brain...ok ok i always write too much!!

bye fools!!